I QUIT.

I'm sorry to inform you all that I quit. I'd say I'm disappointed in myself for giving up, but you have no idea of the pain I'm feeling right now. My entire body is saying: FUCK YOU. JASMINE (sorry, parents, for the harsh language, dad always says a good explicative here and there is needed to make a point.) But really, it's just screaming at me over and over again. Every gland in my body that excretes anything hates me. I'm entirely congested, can't swallow a thing, I can feel two ear infections coming on, the lymph nodes in my neck feel like baseballs, I feel like every time I cough, I feel like a lung is going to projected out of me, etc, etc. Eating right now, is truly the last of my worries, but I know my body needs all the nutrients it can get. Depriving myself of these things deteriorated my immune system and it's taking all the energy I have to even write this post.

My biggest disappointment, though, is that I don't have anything interesting to write (or complain) about anymore. I know you all don't want to hear a damn thing about my studies, my stupid boy problems and love triangles, or anything else about my, average, every day, college-girl-life. I'll think of something. I know I will. Just give me time. Until then, thank you all for reading and for the support. For all of the ones who opposed me, and this process, you won. Way to go!

Here's to curling up in my bed with millions of blankets, moomoo (my stuffed animal), and Netflix for the upcoming week. Again. Feel free to drop by with good movie suggestions, soup, or even good company. I'll need it.

Day 4, 10:54am

Welp, I'm still sick. My body aches, just as it did when I had the flu a couple of months ago, I'm incessantly coughing, my head is spinning, and I was just dripping sweat, and now I can't stop shivering--I just want to sleep, but I'm really not tired enough to do so.  I should stop. I feel like I should stop, but I just did some research and this is normal.

Normal.

I don't think I can handle it. I no longer want to do this. The crazy thing is, I've stopped having any urges of hunger. I'm to the point, were I'm so used to this feeling, that I forget to make myself the lemonades. Plus, they're getting grosser and grosser the more I drink. I'm repulsed by even the thought. I'm making a schedule, so I don't forget. Your brain needs a certain amount of calories per day--I need to force myself to allow my taste buds entertain that thought, because they're sick of this lemon, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper stuff.

I find that the best feeling in the world, is waking up on a saturday or sunday morning, knowing you have zero chance of waking up with a hangover, yet, today is not the case. I feel like I finished an entire bottle of vodka to myself, and as if I slipped and fell a million times last night. My muscles even hurt to the touch. Nonetheless, I still woke up this morning, and turned on Netflix to watch some Saturday Morning Cartoons--DID YOU KNOW THEY NOW HAVE ALL THE 1990s CARTOONS?! I was entertained by Rugrats, and old episodes of Spongebob.  My idea of perfection.

I, also, was happy to learn that day four is "Hump Day." Three and Four are supposed to, by far, be the worst days, and let me tell you, I can attest to that. After you make it over the hump, a euphoria is supposed to kick in. I'm waiting. I am waiting. I don't think I can last with self-imposed flu-like symptoms for the next six days, but I can try to handle one or two. I'm trying my best to stay strong. That's all that matters.

On a positive note, Nicole, my best friend, feels great! She has no headaches, she's not hungry, nothing negative. I'm happy to know she's not suffering like I am. If you're reading this for insight as to how you will feel, I'm finding more and more that every person suffers different side affects. So you just gotta try it out for yourself!

Day 3, 2:32pm

Happy Friday to me! Glad to say I woke up with a terrible cold this morning--stuffed nose, sore throat; the works. After suffering through the worst flu earlier this winter, I expected to be over the whole "sickness" thing.. but I guess, with blizzards in April, anything is possible. Thank you Minnesota weather! I arose this morning no longer craving my favorite meal of the day. That may have been the best feeling in the world. And now that I think of it, I haven't craved a single meal yet today--other than when the people in my Anatomy Lab thought it appropriate to discuss their burgers from Five Guys, and chocolate chip scones from Java City; I can't honestly say that didn't tempt me. At this point, I think the only thing my body is craving more of, is water, so, I guess I can drink to that! It is Friday after all.

Now that I can safely think about food without the urge to point a gun to my head, I've begun to derive a list of all the things I plan to devour on day eleven. And so it begins (proceed with caution, there are terrible, revolting things on such list):

1. Chipotle
2. Cranberry Almond Thins
3. Chicago Style Popcorn
4. White Castle Chicken Rings (made with all white meat). Yes, you read that correctly.
5. A Big Mac AND Large Fries
6. A gyro from Tony's Diner
7. An entire box of Chicken in a Biscuit Crackers
8. Every Specialty Pizza Made by Mesa
9. A giant, juicy burger from Five Guys

This list is just a start. I'm going to keep it going for all ten days to see how it evolves. Reflecting on this first draft, though, I've noticed there's not a single "sweet" on the list. After drinking this sugary lemonade for the last three days, I would truly be content with never eating a "sweet" again in my entire lifetime. All I want is greasy, salty, crappy food. I'm cleansing myself so that I can refill my body with more shit. Seems logical.

I'm finding that my problems are becoming less life altering as time goes on--another 180 from the day previous. My brain is not stuck on the fact that I cannot breathe, or that an entire branch full of snow fell on my head as I was walking to the bus stop, or that I won't be able to take a birthday shot with my best friend out of the bottle of Ciroc I just bought him. I can't even say my brain is even stuck on my hunger. I guess I've been inspired to worry about the less "trivial" problems in my life... But now that I think about it, I don't have any. My life is simple. I get really, really angry about stupid things, and I get over it.

I have been thinking really hard to try and figure out why the hell I am really doing this. Can't say I could even tell ya'. Via Facebook, Twitter, and all of my other social media, I have gotten a multitude of opposition (as well as support), and I'm finding it harder and harder to explain myself. Yes, skinniness is very appealing, but I don't truly believe this is a safe avenue for losing weight, nor do I believe it will leave me with long term results--I like crappy food far too much. I've also been doing an endless amount of research, and there's no scientific evidence that this really "cleanses" anything. There's more research to prove that I am actually stripping my intestines of important bacteria and depriving my body of necessary nutrients. If that's the case, then why has it been so popular for the last 50 years? I'm torn between the two theories, but I'm going through with it anyway. Outside of the health benefits/detriments, I am finding that this is proving more willpower in me, than I ever thought possible. (Anyone following my Facebook drama has already read this, but I am going to reiterate). I'm to the point where I just want to prove to myself that I can do it. Jesus made it 40 days, I think I can pray for the strength to make it 10.

Day 2, 1:59pm

Happiness is no longer bestowed upon me. The sole of my favorite boots decided to just rip off as I was walking in this stupid sleet/snow. So, already halfway to work, I had the pleasure of turning around and walking back to my dorm so that I could change into my only other "nice boots," which I must add, do NOT match my outfit. Upon arriving to my dorm I had the pleasure of dumping the water out of my shoes and changing out of my sopping wet socks. I left almost as quickly as I arrived. After ten minutes of waiting for the campus shuttle, I decided to call--learning that another bus wouldn't be arriving for another ten minutes, followed by another in thirty. You could have just killed me at that point, and it wouldn't have made my day any worse. As I arrived to work--dripping wet, hair and makeup ruined--I took a deep breath and within a second, no feeling in my body could have been any worse than the hunger I felt in my stomach. So I grabbed all of my supplies, and took them to the back room, where to my surprise, I found this nice little stash of snacks of which we've NEVER had before. Might I add, they're all my favorites (besides the pretzels, I hate pretzels). So here I am, finished with my lemonade, stomach still growling, with all my favorite foods calling to me from the back. Kill me. Please Just kill me now.

A detail I haven't yet added, is the fact that I am doing this with my best friend. I promise you, I wouldn't have lasted half of a day if she wasn't enduring this misery alongside me. She feels good. Sweet. But hey, at least she's holding me accountable, because without her, I'd be curled into a ball in the back room with all of these snacks secure in my arms--messy face, sticky fingers, and all. But I can do this. Right?

I have this theory that I'm conjuring in my head, and I'm starting to realize that all of my problems have escalated from minimal, to life altering in these last two days. I have a habit of making most of my issues seem far worse than they truly are. It's an honest talent of mine--and I'll tell you, this cleanse is helping me master my art. I now can complain about anything and everything more and more with the valid excuse: I HAVEN'T EATEN IN TWO DAYS! And as the days go on, it becomes an excuse of greater and greater value. At the end of these ten days, I will be crazy. I promise you that by April 27th, you'll be able to look into Webster's Dictionary and next to the word "crazy" will be JASMINE MOORE.

I have another theory, which is proving more to be fact. Now that I don't have to make time for eating and working out, I have far more time for activities. After finishing my classes at 10, instead of sleeping and waking up only to eat lunch and rush to get ready for work at 1, I got to take my time and get lots of stuff done--everything besides homework, that is. I, oddly, wasnt tired and decided to take advantage of the extra time I had to myself. I took an extremely hot, long shower--deep conditioned my hair, shaved my legs, exfoliated; the works! I then, cleaned my room (in my towel, might I add). I vaccumed, wiped everything down, and I even put away clean laundry from last week, the greatest feat of all. I got to take my time getting ready, and I was happy as a clam; that is until I stepped outside, where this entire post started. Nonetheless, I can no longer sit here and stare at this picture of food, so I am going to attempt to get some work done, as if I actually did anything here at all. Sayonara, my loves. Less than nine days to go.

Day 2, 8:22am

Good morning! I'm excited to express that I woke up happy this morning--a 180 degree change from the evening previous. I don't think there was a single thing that didn't upset me last night. My emotions were riding the same roller coaster as my hungry stomach and I can't say that the chocolate sitting on my desk helped with that at all. Needless to say, I got rid of it. Multiple tears were shed throughout the day, lots of explicit words screamed, and there was lots of unnecessary worrying about things other than how hungry my stomach was. Sleeping greatly helped me cope with the stress. After waking from a three hour nap at 6:00pm, I was still curled up with my stuffed animal in bed by 9:30. I don't think I can recall the last time I didn't see 11:00pm, 12:00am, or even 1:00am on my clock. Remember when I said that college students were entitled to tiredness and sluggishness? That also applies to staying up all night and complaining about it for the entire next day. That will be the last of my problems for the nine upcoming days.

Yesterday I succeeded in consuming a lemonade every two hours until bedtime.. I can't express whether I was hungry at the end of night, or the craving of the comfort of food--but it was a distressed, starving feeling. That's something I will need to get over. As I didn't have a drink before bed, I was worried about waking up ready to murder anyone and anything surrounding. I'm proud to say, that didn't happen. I woke up with ten minutes to leave for class, brushed my hair, threw on clothes, brushed my teeth, and made myself a lemonade. WARNING: DO NOT brush teeth BEFORE consuming lemonade. I mean, if you want to make the gross experience ten time worse, go right ahead. My barely awake, not thinking brain didn't take account for the mix of mint and lemon. Not good. Nonetheless, I threw on a sweatshirt, grabbed my bag, and sipped on my way out of the door--very stealthily, might I add, seeing as my roommate was still fast asleep.

Now, as I've finished my breakfast, I'm sitting in Kinesiology, incessantly sipping water, and ignoring my professor so that I can record my experiences of the last 24 hours--much more important than learning about physical therapy. In the twenty minutes I've been writing, my euphoric early morning has already sunken into a fuzzy, sleepy, and distant aura. So, here I am, sitting in class, not planning my meals (I think I'm over that), but planning my naps for the rest of the day. Yay! I don't think productivity will be my forte over the next nine days. I've decided to attempt taking it one day at a time, not looking back, and not gazing forward--but looking forward may be important, cause I'm gonna look damn good! That's the point right? Day 2, here I come. Stay posted, I promise I'll be back.

Day 1. 1:59pm

See that picture? Yeah, that's me broadcasting myself to the world. At least my Instagram world. What's that in my bottle, you say? Well I can tell you this much, it's not juice, not water, not a smoothie, but a mere 10oz of water, lemon juice,  maple syrup, and (you guessed it) cayenne pepper--or in other words, my only source of nutrition for the next TEN days. This Master Cleanse thing has really got me questioning my motives, and as you can see, I'm merely halfway through day 1 (out of TEN, might I remind you.)

Why? Do you ask? I guess I wanna be healthy, and clean out my system and what not. There's a whole world of health benefits claimed by this "fast," such as more energy, glowing skin, luscious hair, no more tiredness, no more sluggishness, etc. But let's get this straight. I have all the energy I need when I want it, my skin is perfect, I'm never going to be happy with my hair, and the fact that I'm a college student means I'm entitled to be tired and sluggish all I want. All I needed to know was that Beyonce lost 20 pounds on  it--that must be legit, right? Either way, it's the only "fact" that matters to me. If you ask me in person why I'm doing this, I doubt I'd admit thats why--but let's face it, all I want is to be skinny.. It is almost bikini season!!

I feel like today will be the hardest; Shit, it better be the hardest! I mean, do you realize how many times you think about food in a day.. even in an hour!? I plan my day around my meals, such as, I'm going to wake up at such and such a time to eat a hearty, delicious breakfast, then I'm going to skip this class to eat a marvelous lunch, and finally, after I arise for a magnificent nap, I am going to go eat a giant dinner with all my friends. That, my friends, is what I call, my daily thought process.. Throw in a few mmm, that chocolate really looks good, or let's grab some coffee, or even oooo, how about a mint?, and you have every thought that passes through my head on a daily basis. (Probably why I've gained so much weight since coming here). As soon as my brain wanders into food planning, this Master Cleanse thing goes GOTCHA! You don't get to eat a thing. Here, Have some of this disgusting lemonade. Awesome.

I can't say I even really believe that this is healthy. I'm merely consuming a little sugar, and some spice. Can't say I understand how that could possibly give me enough energy to maintain. But nonetheless, I'm doing it. Through this throbbing headache, the constant urges to pee (and eventually shit), my upset stomach, faint body, and sleepy eyes, I'm doing it. I don't think I could honestly say, it's any different than any other day of my life. So heres to complaining to all of you for the next ten days. I hope you're ready. Cause I'm not.